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10 Reasons Why Some Erelationships Do Not Work

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10 Reasons Why Some Erelationships Do Not Work

10 Reasons Why Some Erelationships Do Not Work
By Ovi Dogar

10 Reasons Why SOME eRelationships do not Work

You are single, bored and you just have nothing to do. It is another miserable day like the day before. You need someone to talk to and you are turning on the computer, browsing some... dating sites. There are so many people... singles, like you are.

What should you ask from them? Can they change your life for better?

The answer to the last question is up to you. Would you let a person you have met online to change your life? Are you willing to do this? Do you trust someone you have met this way?

SOME people simply do not have the courage to let an online relationship to develop and change in a normal healthy relationship. Are you one of them?

Let me re-ensure you that online really are working, and yes it can change your entire life, in a good way. :)

But there are some impediments or mistakes which are leading to the end of the relationship between two people that could have had a good future together:

1. First of all if you do not take people you are taking to too seriously, you will be treated the same way.

2. Being too secret and reserved. If you do not tell things about you and you are not working to develop a relationship, nobody will make this for you.

3. Trust or lack of trust is the biggest impediment of an eRelathionship. You have to try to get the people you are taking to trust in you, and then find out if that person is a trustworthy one. There are so many ways to check out this.

4. Being shy. If you are interested in someone and you want to meet her/him offline, let her/him know this. What do you have to lose?

5. Fear of disappointment or fear of becoming a victim of someone with bad intentions can make you paranoid. It is good to be preventive but not exaggerate about this. It is not funny and will pull people away.

6. Unbelieving. If you do not believe that an eRelathionship can become something more then it is, you will not pay too much attention and... You get exactly what you give and some more, don�t you?

7. Do not make that relationship a priority in your life. Any human needs to feel that is important for someone, that is the center of someone life, even if you have meet that human online. Don�t you feel the same? Wouldn't you pay more attention to someone if you would know that you are a priority in his/her life?

8. Not making the next step. Talking online can be fun but it is not enough to get to know a person better and after a while it can become boring. Talking on the phone can help you two to develop the relationship and do not forget that you can feel chemistry only when you two are meeting face to face, touching each other, feeling the smell of her/his perfume.

9. Beeing insincere, pretending that you are something that you are not will lead you eventually to the end of any relationship. So

be honest from the very beginning, maybe you have just meat the match of your life, don't take the risk to lose her because of a stupid mistake.

10. Thinking that online dating sites are some kind of shops where you can find a lover like you find a pair of shoes, and if you are braking the shoes you can go back to that shop and buy another pair just like the first. It is not true, every human, every soul is unique. If you lose her/him it is for good. So I am sure that you will have problems like all couples have but it is worthy to make the effort to solve these problems together.

Be happy that the technology gives you the chance to meet your match online, but do not waste this chance, it could never come back to you.

You only live once, so live it well! Many great women are waiting for love right now at http://www.eBridex.com

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Posted by Rick Anderson
I'll take that job. I charge by the hour.
Posted by Brad Rodgers
As a builder I often am asked to take drawings with no spec's such as was described and try to put numbers to it. And then I get to compete with other builders who got the same drawings with no specs and hope I get the job with no spec's and make the budget work. The things that make you go Hmmmmm............. BjR <a href="http://www.acarpenterinprivatepractice.com">www.acarpenterinprivatepractice.com</a>
Posted by neal kernohan
as a one time, and long term web freelancer, i can fully relate to your pain. excellent post indeed and hopefully some clients will read this and see the irony in it.
Posted by Shannon Baldridge
Shae, This was pretty funny, but oh so true. <a href="http://www.twelve14studios.com">twelve14 Studios</a>
Posted by Jen Vondenbrink
Okay so I'm going to chime in here for those who aren't web designers but have read and enjoyed your post. I think as small business owners we all feel the same pain. Whether we are in the restaurant business, consulting, or web design, we struggle with trying to serve our clients/customers while trying to financially maintain our businesses. I'm going to save this post and use it as a reminder when I'm working with a new client just to make sure I'm grounded. Thanks again!
Posted by Brandi Pierce
Awesome, Howard!! =D I have read that a few times before, but it never gets old!
Posted by Howard Howell
This tread reminded me of this interesting story: A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?" The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field." "You must work in information technology" says the balloonist. "I do," replies the man. "How did you know." "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone." The man below says, "You must be a corporate manager." "I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault." BTW: I took this from a post on my personal blog from 1998.
Posted by Chris Cliff
LOL... People.... I have a solution for people like this. I look them squarely in the eye and say "Of course we can do that, and it will cost you this...." after they gulp I follow up with "or we can do it this way and it will cost you half of that." Leaving in of course a substantial PITA fee.
Posted by Brandi Pierce
All creative fields seem to suffer from ignorant people who think they are perfectly capable of understanding -- and putting a much lower dollar sign on -- what we do and how we do it, even though they've never been exposed to any behind the scenes knowledge or have any experience that would entitle them that liberty. American mentality perhaps? With all the outsourcing, we've been trained to be cheap and expect more for less -- even though we want top quality! In essence, gold for the cost of tin foil. This is just another reminder of why I need to retire sooner rather than later. I just posted a new article on personal/professional growth -- its waiting in the que for approval -- please see tip #3!! Great article, Shae! =)
Posted by Andrey Rozmaity
LOL, funny stuff! "Now... after you finish the travel trailer.. Do you know anything about raising chickens?" -Andrey
Posted by Shae Allen
you know, folks seem to think this piece of writing (which by the way, is not mine, which is why i called it "spammy" though in retrospect i would have put a bigger fatter bolder disclaimer in blinky text with fire around it if i had known it would garner hate mail for me) is just a sly slam on architects. i don't think so at all - i know architects. i've worked with them in various circumstances. i know it's not an easy job. i know people have unreal expectations. this was not a contest between careers, and if i were asked today i'd probably say being an architect is harder. however, that's because i don't know how to do it. that's why if i was say, building a house, i would hire an architect. if i hired the sixteen year old cousin of a friend of a boyfriend of an aunt, people would call me crazy. hire that same dipsh*t to build your webpage, and people will give you a pat on the back for being so resourceful and thrifty. the point i thought was to give a different perspective on what is a largely misunderstood industry, using a standard that most people understand.. not professionally of course but by the standard definitions of a house. that does not mean that web designers are SO OVERWORKED and UNDERPAID and UNAPPRECIATED BY EVERYONE boohoo. it means that we have problem clients. just like you have problem clients. but in my personal and i'm sure biased opinion, not only do folks seem less likely to write you off as some "stupid flaky money hungry artistic sort", but it's a lot easier to explain cost in relation to building an extra room in a way that will never translate to trying to explain extra cost due to another database or a flash animation or a credit card processing system that is UNLIKE ANYTHING ELSE EVER. while i came here originally with the intent of saying "peace, architects, for i bow down to your profession", after writing that whole spiel all i really want to say is... stop being such big babies. it's a joke, folks. not an assault on your character.
Posted by rafael reyna
Can i translate in spanish ? is very interesting and happen all the time, more features, changes, all stuff is 100 % .
Posted by T Bestor
I would like to precursor this with the fact that I do appreciate the satirical play on architecture and how it parallels web design in its most extreme case .. my roommate(web designer) sent me this though and as an architect, I feel slightly obligated to nix the assumption that we draw pretty pictures and make dream houses a reality .. .. if you just came for a giggle .. pass this right on by .. and know that I?m just saying that every job is a job .. and unless you are independently wealthy .. (and literally painting puffy clouds) .. there aren?t rainbows and puffy clouds in any of our drawings .. And that not even mentioning the fact I work a 7:30am-5:30pm on a good day (salary .. no overtime) to my roommates 9am ? 5pm with lunch at his desk .. ?working? .. and the fact that 2 years out of school he is making $16,000 a year more then me (thanks to the dotcom craze .. vs far to many architects coming out of school to far to few jobs) .. and for 1 final kick in the balls .. I got my masters in 6 years of schooling (18-25 credit hours/sem, minimum of 5 year BA to become registered, and more all-nighters cramped in a studio/computer lab then I care to remember (I lost track sophomore year at 50(to be fair I will factor in my poor time management skills though)) to his 4 years of 12-15 credit hour/sem where he claims he never had homework and did many a group project .. ? .. sorry I blacked out there for a moment .. what were we talking about ? ahh yes architecture ? The life of an architect ? Your story is essentially exactly what architects deal with .. maybe a bedroom or 2 fewer then 40 but in some cases close .. .. then, take the client .. his family (or 3000 employees all chiming in with where his/her desk should be or how you should coordinate with the mechanical engineers to ensure that they don't have a HVAC diffuser over their desk because they get cold easily) .. .. then add the responsibility of babysitting civil/structural/electrical/mechanical/HVAC engineers .. all of which absolutely hate you (and each other) because unlike them you care how the drawings and building eventually turn out and sometimes need to remind them that though the center of every room might be ideal for coverage, that you can have a beam/light fixture/diffuser/sprinkler all in one spot (and just to boot .. make any intelligent engineer over 35 and 60-80% computer illiterate (from the drafting days) and battling CAD) .. .. now take your design/concept, pour your heart and design loving soul into each and every presentation and cry as every time it gets ripped to shreds and your design elements fall to wonderful things like handicap accessibility and fire codes .. now bastardize it to the point that you no longer recognize it as your work, add countless hours of labor .. and whamo!! you have constructions documents .. essentially the bastardized pile of shame that is for some reason called ?your design? .. .. now instead of accepting defeating and running to the next project (though you need to be working on 4-5 to stay in business) .. you are forced into stacks and stacks of meaningless paper called submittals .. this is where the general contractor tries to trick you into agreeing to let him substitute .. although you told us to use this faucet/glass/light fixture (which you picked with care to exact specification) .. we found this one for cheaper (while having already gone to your client and convinced him that they can save a dime even though they spec?ed a moped to your sensible sturdy Harley Davidson) and then try to convince the client that you are not just ?throwing away his money? and that there are reasons not use pieces from his ?erector set? in a complex motor. Assuming you get through submittals with half of what you want ... you are now forced onto the next job .. but that?s not even close to where it ends .. then the phone calls begin (not that they hadn?t already) but now construction begins and you spend 4-8 hours of every day of the next weeks to months juggling and solving problems for contractors/electricians/masons/data/telephone plumbers/etc/etc/etc/etc? all while pleasing town officials/building inspectors (because they can make your life hell with a thought) .. and the big perk is on-site work where you get the lucky chance to get out of the office for one day twice weekly to drive to your job sites.. and see what they did wrong and in the end reprimand them ad tell them that since it was right in the drawings and they didn?t catch it that they are not going to get paid for the time it takes them to make it right (that?s how you inspire craftsmanship/and work ethic) .. and in the end after one final 20-100 page book of every miss-set ceiling tile and knick in the trim .. you get to attend the opening where you point to the built in counter in the corner which is the one piece they agreed to without compromise and marvel at all you?ve accomplished in the last year plus ? ? and that is the life of an architect ? ? don?t get me wrong ? I love my job (I would like the extra 16k a year) ? you get good at it though ? you just need to move from juggling 3 balls to about 73 ? and the fun comes in seeing how clean you can get your design through and how good you get at influencing the way people think ? but yea ? no puffy clouds
Posted by Keith Gormezano
Thanks Shae for posting it. It made my day when I read it back in late May. I used to work for an architectural firm and this was a common issue. The title could also read "If QuickBooks set up experts and bookkeepers had to work like architects, web site designers, and other personal and comprehensive service industries." I am always amazed at the number of clients who call me thinking they know how to use QuickBooks and need me to show them how to tweak it some more (translation "I really don't understand it") only when I go into their program settings I discover that they: 1) Haven't updated their accounting software program since 200X; 2) Want to do online banking but haven't filed a request with their bank to do so; 3) Want to save on time with data entry but haven't adjusted the program's preferences to do so; 4) Buy a copy of a high-end program like Premier for their business when Pro at several hundred dollars less will do (and moan about the cost) but not consulting with me before doing so; and 5) Have set up their LLC's business chart of accounts as a C corporation or if they have formed an LLC they haven't bothered to inform the IRS of their election to be treated as a S corporation. Arrgh. I sometimes want to make a few client walk the plank but I am thankful for their mistakes so I can have full employment this month, smile.
Posted by John J*
my first post... figures it had to be on the string that took down Dan's web server, eh? but like a web designer and architect, this article rings true with Systems Engineers. i try and tell my clients\boss\cfo\project-manager that there are three things you can spec for in designing your integrated system and associated server(s)... <ol> <li>built on the cheap</li> <li>built to performance and dependability specs</li> <li>built quickly</li> </ol> you can have any two, but not all three... but you can NOT get around it. of course people's definition of cheap, performance/depandable, and quickly built differ - systems engineers definitions tend to startle the general public's. but most people don't get into ITIL, MOF, Gartner, Forrester, et al.
Posted by Heru Setiawan
LOL.. Nice comparison! It happens lots of times! :)
Posted by silve almgren
Wow ... this is awesome :) I think I will send my clinets here along with my proposals :)
Posted by Chris Travis
This is very well written and funny, and since I run both an architecture firm and an Internet start-up, particularly relevant to both my worlds. The comment I would like to make (besides "...well done!") is that the issue you are making fun of here is also a problem for architects. Because clients are so familiar with homes, they "think" they know what they want, just like a client who uses the web thinks they know something about how to create a website. I can tell you from being on both sides (consumer and provider) in both businesses that this is almost never true. This problem is endemic in both industries, and in every single commercial enterprise that must collect self-reported design criteria from a client. The more emotional the project, the worse the problem is. So if a lot of money is involved, or a particularly personal project is on the table - like a home - it is almost impossible to get accurate design criteria by traditional methods. I am very sorry to hear you had a "terrible client relationship" with an architect, but frankly that happens a lot with all types of "home" professionals, including real estate agents, interior designers and builders. Home Improvement is the # 1 consumer complaint category in the nation. I would humbly propose that I know why. It's in our brains. About 95% of what the brain does each day that impacts our behavior is unconscious. (Want the research? - I can give it to you) That means that most of the real "criteria" for a design - whether it is a website, a home, a brochure, or an event - is not only unconscious, but emotional in nature. We know what we like by what we feel. We think our rational processes are what drive our decisions, and certainly that is partly true...but when you are working to provide someone with a "personal" statement of some sort (again like a website or a home), emotion rules almost every time. They know what they like not when the see it, but when they feel the right way when they see it. A home is an "emotional experience." A house is just a building. The initial criteria clients bring to our firm is typically quite different than the criteria they end up with because we have developed a process over the years to deal with this issue. Before we did that, like every other architecture firm that designs homes, we had exactly the same problem you are talking about in the web development domain. People think they know what they want but they really don't. We design what they tell us to, and they don't like it, and they think it is our fault. Is that your experience with design clients? I bet it often is... We are close to a beta launch with a web-based software application that handles that problem pretty well. The app can be adapted to other industries, like web-design, but we have applied it to what we know. That being buying, designing and building, remodeling and redecorating homes. The reason...people like you who have a hard time getting the "difference between a house and a home" by using traditional methods. That's what we do. Tailor homes to people's tastes, lifestyle, budgets, values, life goals, relationships and circumstances. I'll post when we launch and you can check it out. All that is at our domain right now are some temp user pages, but we will likely be launching in the next month. And I hope you had good luck with replacing your "bad relationship."
Posted by amit dixit
Lots of Expectation their:) Anyways, Nice Read. By da way, I am an architect and some what working as a web designer :(_) <a href="http://www.cgindia.org">http://www.cgindia.org</a>
Posted by amit dixit
Lots of Expectation their:) Anyways, Nice Read. By da way, I am an architect and some what working as a web designer :(_) <a href="http://www.cgindia.org">http://www.cgindia.org</a>
Posted by Orestes Chouchoulas
As a web designer, I can appreciate what you were trying to underline with your post. As an architect, I did not find that very funny. It turns out that the only unrealistic expectation that your client had was to move from blueprints to "under roof" in 48 hours. All the other requirements are commonly expected of architects, and no one thinks it's preposterous.
Posted by detail tag
Well put. I'm an architect, and the sad thing is that many of us do have to work like this. Not all the time, and not with all of your points at the same time, but I have been asked to design myriad solutions, document things "just for bid" but be responsible for changes, make adjustments on the fly, etc. Seems design problems cross disciplines.
Posted by Dan McComb
Yeah, for sure - people EXPECT homes to cost a lot of money, but since everybody knows that their neighbor's kid can cobble together a website that "looks pretty good" for the same price as mowing your lawn, they have high expectations for getting it done on the cheap, even when dealing with professionals. Also, there aren't the same standards bodies in web design - architects have to be state certified, but anybody can create websites. I prefer the openness of the web, but client conversations like this are part of the price we pay.
Posted by Chad Upton
This resonates so perfectly, whether the client is a mom and pop operation or a fortune 500 company. Thank you, I'll surely think of this post every time I talk to my clients.
Posted by Rob James
That is a great piece and quite timely for me! I work as a solution designer for a software dev company. And I just went through this exact experience yesterday with a new client. My job requires me to design the solution from the top down with the client. So, before designers like you guys get involved (although, I know that designers tend to do a lot of this). I actually talk through a very similar story WITH my clients before I start work, so they can understand what they are doing when they make certain statements. My experience is very similar to this script; CUSTOMER:I really want my dream home; it will have 30 bedrooms, 5 kitchens, room for 16 cars, an Olympic size pool and tennis court. How much will that cost? ME: Sure, of course we can do that, but it will take 9 months and cost $10Million. Shall we proceed? CUSTOMER: hmmm, I only had a budget of $250K ME: OK, why didn't you tell me the budget in the first place? CUSTOMER: Well, I didn't want you to know that :-) ME: Right.... (Thinking, this is going to be fun). OK for $250K, we can build you a modest 3 bedroom home with a 2 car garage. Will that satisfy your requirements? CUSTOMER: I guess so, but can you make sure that I can build extensions on it, so I can eventually have my dream home? ME: Sure, we will make sure the architect takes that into account when they are doing the Blueprints. But it will mean some compromising. CUSTOMER: Like What? ME: Well if you want to lay down foundations for your dream home, that will probably eat up 70% of your budget. And then there will only be enough budget for a 1 bedroom home with no kitchen. CUSTOMER: That just won't do. Wow, what a disappointing experience :-( I find that this usually happens because the customer doesn't trust the experience. They trust the house building experience, because they usually know what to expect for a certain budget. But with Software and Web Sites, they have no idea, so they don't want to disclose the budget in fear of being ripped off, because they can't measure the web site investment against the one next door..... My 2 cents.....

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